Eva DeVirgilis: I’m sorry you have to touch my face. Look at this breakout. I look disgusting.

I’m sorry, but I am not a pretty woman.

Ah, no. Thank you, but no. I look like crap.

The doctor says that I have to lose weight. So, sorry this is what you got to work with.

I looked in the mirror and all I see is a tired mom and I see these wrinkles and I feel old and ugly.

And this what I hear every single solitary day of my life. I am a make up artist and these are real words from real women. I’m also an actress. But, for my past seven years of doing make up. I have discovered within the first three seconds of sitting in my chair, almost every single woman apologizes to me for the way she looks. Doesn’t matter how young, how old, what socio-economic background she comes from, how traditionally beautiful she is. Almost every single woman apologizes and does not feel she measures up to this new standard of beauty. And I’m sure that maybe some of you might be able to relate to this apology thing. I see some of you nodding. Well, it just so happens that I was actually the make up artist for TEDx last year. And the same thing happened when these incredibly innovative women sat in my chair. They apologized.

Now I have discovered there is a very small group of women who don’t apologize. And these are the movers, the shakers, the powerhouses. They could be CEOs or stay at home moms, but they don’t measure themselves by a mirror. Sure they don’t wear make up but they don’t apologize for it. They live in the moment and they let themselves have that pleasure of living in the moment, and in the now. And I am in awe of these women. And there is probably some of you very rare, precious, confident creatures in this audience. And to you ladies I say go ahead and take a bathroom break you can be back in like five and a half minutes or something, because you don’t need this. You don’t need to hear what I’m about to say. And the other women in this very small group are the women who are aware of their own mortality. And I’ll get back to them in a little bit.

So a woman will make an appointment with me for a variety of different reasons. A lot of times she just feels down about the way she looks and her friend will tell her. Oh you have to go see Eva she’s amazing, she’s great. She’ll teach you make up tricks. It’s going to change your life. But I have to be honest I think that makeup is the very least of what I do. But I’m not denying make up does not play a very real part in making a woman feel more attractive and thus more confident. Because we are all aware of those biological queues of attraction between human beings. Like symmetry, and color, and light, and when we see them in ourselves or somebody else. It pleases our primordial senses. And I as a make up artist am very adept with the skills and the tools, to very easily manipulate and enhance those bio queues on the face. That’s my job. But I’ll be honest with you I think every single woman who sits in my chair is beautiful, with or without make up. She just has no idea!

Which is why I like to think of myself as treading in the deep end of a shallow profession, because I use makeup as my tool to help her believe it. Makeup is my therapy puppet to help a woman open up about how she’s feeling, and express to me what her concerns are so I can address them. And you know what it works, almost every time. I see a woman leap up out of my chair with this new skip in her step. I see her actually look in the mirror and actually smile at herself. Even if it’s temporary, there is a very real transformation that happens in this chair.

Oh, no, what are you taking about? I am not a pretty woman. My mother in law says that I have a round face, and there is no way to make a round fat face pretty.

And I can’t believe what I hear, because all I see is a beautiful woman. And I say Matir, but look at your gorgeous golden skin. Here hold the mirror. Watch what I’m doing. Look at these perfect almond eyes. And these lips, my god in the next life I want these lips. Your smile just lit up this room.

You’re right.

Now you would think, because this is my job and I do this everyday. And I hear what women say, and I have this unique perspective that I would be different. But, here’s what happens when I sit in somebody’s make up chair.

Oh god, I’m sorry I have a very tough face. I hate that I’m actually dependent on eyeliner to even walk out my front door. Oh, oh no, don’t worry my nose is like a Muppet’s fist. So, no worries trying to cover it up.

I have said those exact words in somebody else’s makeup chair. I too, do not feel that I measure up or can hold up to this insane new measure of beauty in this world. That’s like porn, and fashion, and Photoshop, just like all mixed up into one. Yeah, good luck with that. And It’s not going away, so what are we going to do? What am I going to do to feel and appreciate what I have? Which brings me back to that other group of small women that don’t apologize.

All right, it’s my birthday! I’m 96 years old and I’m on borrowed time now, honey. But, I think I look pretty good.

This feels so good I’m about to fall asleep. Yes, I have two little ones, two and four years old. And I just had a double mastectomy, and six rounds of chemo. So, I’m just so happy to be pampering myself, and I have to say I love my new wig. Is this what it’s going to take for me? Is this what its going to take for me to appreciate what I have? To be confronted with the prospect of illness or death. Is that what its going to take to appreciate what we have? Well I’m not going to take that, I don’t accept it.

So I desperate need for a solution to all of this. I thought, what can I do? So, I thought well why don’t I do what so many other women do. They do it and it works for them even if it’s temporary. Why don’t I try it? Why don’t I sit in Eva’s chair? What would Eva say to me, if I apologized to Eva? I know, it sounds cheesy, I know. But it’s actually very scary. It’s the reason why I didn’t even want to finish this TEDTalk to begin with. Because it’s what I know I need to do.

Eva stop saying that about your eyes. You have your mother’s eyes and you wouldn’t think for a second that this woman that gave you life and wisdom is not measuring up. OK, stop. Eva stop saying that about your nose. You have your father’s and your great mama’s nose. Yes, your Italian genes are prominent. But, so is your spirit because of it. And you can identify the notes of a lush jammy primitivo wine better than most because of it, probably.

So, I guess I’m deciding that if lining my eyes brings symmetry to my face and to my mind. Then I guess I’ll do it. And if adding a touch of color to my lips allows me to bring joy and color to my speech, then why the heck not? And if adding light reflection to my skin gives me the little boost of confidence, for me to shed light on a seemingly superficial topic to a group of intellectuals, then I will do it! And that makes me feel beautiful. And I will sit in my chair, and I will listen and believe that we are all beautiful. I will make that appointment. Thank you.

There may be small errors in this transcript.